On A Windy Night...

The wind is blowing strongly....
The rain is coming
There are no stars tonight.....
And the moon is hiding behind the clouds....

The black sky has become grey....
And I am sitting here at the balcony...
Listening to the wind....
And watching the rain pour...

My mood is down....
I have no answer to that....
My heart is crying....
But my eyes aren't....

Most of the time....
While watching the rain....
The drops of rain will take my soul away
and I would be in another world....
A world of my own....

Sometimes...
The rain do not take me away....
and on this night....
The rain did not bring me with them....

I have no reasons to why am I sitting here alone in the darknor do I have any reasons to why is my heart crying....
It is just like the other nights....
Where my mood just change without me knowing why...

I have the urge of calling you....
or just to message you....
but whenever I take up my phone....
I could not find the courage to dial your numberor to just send you a message....

I know if I have anything....
I can find you....
You said before you would be here....
And I believe you would....

But I could not find the courage to ask you to be here....
I could not find the courage to call and tell you how I feel....
I could not find the courage to just text you..... So I let my mind wonders....
I let my heart cry....
and hope that my eyes will too....

I know even if my eyes do as I wish....
I might not feel better....
I know even if my eyes listen to me and drop a tear...
Everything will not go away....

People can think that I am doing this to myself...
Making myself think.. Sitting here all alone....
You might think so too...
and you can think so....

I do not care what other people think...
I just know that sometimes at night....
I do not have any control over my thoughts....
I do not have any control over my feelings....

I know that if I want to take control...
I can....
But in a way....
I just don't want to....

I have been like this for god knows how long....
In a way.... I don't feel like changing...
In a way.... I want to change....
In a way..... I do not know what I want....

You have been here for me....
And I am happy that you came into my life.....
I appreciate it...
I cherish it....

At this particular night...
With my heart crying....
My eyes now swelling with tears..
.I just want to say Thank You for being here...

You have changed something in me.... Made me realise something....
and I am happier than before... I know it.... I felt it....
Though there are still things inside me...Things that I guess you would like to find out....
And because of that you are still trying to get into me....

I will do my best to open the doors.....
I will do my best to bring you in....
From the front door or from the back....
I will do my best to find a door to the walls that I have built....
To let you in....And slowly and hopefully.... others tooo....

Lastly... I still like to say thank you....
Thank you for everything....
There's nothing I can do to repay you....
But to remember all that you have done....